Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm like, not good at living.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
