eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
