I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
