I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
