Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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