their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
