Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
