I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
