i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
