No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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