Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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