i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
