fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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