Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
