I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
