its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
