I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
