I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
