i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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