Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
