we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
that is very illegal...i love you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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