You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
