I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
