this beer tastes like vomit already
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
