I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
