oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
