You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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