i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
