I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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