There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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