1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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