Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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