Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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