i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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