i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You don't make any sense
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