dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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