i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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