the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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