She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
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When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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