Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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