If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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