God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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