his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
