I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
