It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
