Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
