There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
