i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
