are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
