Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize