We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
