sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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