I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
