can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
