Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
