I was born with a shot glass in my hand
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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