Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
