What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dignity is for republicans.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
