guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
