Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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