the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
