All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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