Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
