If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
