super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
