In the future we'll all be gay
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Two words: blizzard sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
