so that wasnt chicken after all
I puked a lego.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
