maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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