You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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