Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
