My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
