mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
