I should be sponsored by Trojan
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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