And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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