shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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