I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
