Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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