I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
