am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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