Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
