So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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