Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
