He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
