you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Congratulations! We have a period
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