I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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