I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
