a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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