I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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