Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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