I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
